Lost poem 2712
on Exodus 14
We could discuss
at length
for such a long time
the meaning of fear
and sight
The fear of the Hebrews
in front of the Egyptians’ corpses
or in front of God’s work
But that is to separate
two realities
woven together like warp and weft
The corpses
are the work
of the joint will
of God
of the Hebrews
of the Egyptians
and certainly not
in that order
The necessity of death
so that others may live
and we must live
with that
Live having had
sometimes
this terrible realization
that we exist
because an improbable succession
of desites
of act
of chance perhaps
led
to others
dying
and leaving us alive
Some
survived
because they held
at the other end of a weapon
of a chance
of a destiny
death
of the assailant
Others
know by their blood
that they reached shore
because others
threw themselves into the sea
from the boat
that was too shaky
We do not
all have
the luxury
of being detached
from the intimate materiality
of death and life
of sacrifice
of seeing our wishes
for survival
involving
the death
of others
We do not
all have
the luxury
of taking
”be careful what you wish for”
lightly
as a metaphor
We do not
all have
the luxury
of knowing that seeing
the inconceivable
of raw violence
of humanity itself
generates a fear
more unfathomable
than that of the invisible
We do not
all have
the luxury
of knowing that the terror
of having been spared
is just as great
as the relief
of having been spared
The guilt
and the ensuing search for meaning:
surviving
because one always survives
someone
but not necessarily
for something
We do not
all have
the luxury
that our burned bridges
haven’t left blood
on our hands
We do not
all have
the luxury
of ignoring
what we would do
to survive
We do not
all have
the luxury
of philosophizing
about these things
But we
all have
the luxury
of having to find
ways
to invent
what comes after
the miracle
as well as after
the disaster